Why do meetings always start with "This won't take long"? - Because it's the best joke to kick things off!, How do you make a meeting productive? - Rename it "coffee break" and watch the attendance and enthusiasm rise., Why are long meetings considered magical? - Because participants can enter as adults and leave as skeletons., What's the most optimistic thing you can hear in a meeting? - "Let's make this quick." It's also the most fictional., What's the difference between a meeting and a black hole? - One sucks in all your time and gives nothing back, and the other is just a cosmic phenomenon., a perfect meeting length - I propose a new rule: meetings can not last longer than my laptop battery or my bladder., Committees: There’s a reason they’re called committees. - When you’re on one for too long, you start to think about committing something else- suicide, murder, yourself into a mental institute., What You Learn in Meetings: - I learn a lot in meetings. For instance, did you know that by bending a paper clip once, you can make a pretty cool ‘S’?, Early Morning Calls: - My alarm clock broke so I’ve started scheduling early morning calls at the time I want to wake up., Meeting Topics: - My biggest issue with meetings is that, despite their name, they are rarely about me.,

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